i am neurotic.

Send your or others' neuroses to: iamneurotic[at]gmail.com or
     
   
 
   
     
Every submission is reviewed and might not be posted the same day so please check back. Editorial judgment will be applied.

Sep 5

you're being judged

I will not eat on restaurants’ patios because I believe that passers-by are judging my table manners. Negatively.

everyone should have a friend

I can’t leave objects laying by themselves in places around the house. If I have a hairbrush on the counter, I have to put a comb or something by it before I leave the room so that it won’t get lonely or mad that it was left alone in my absence.

eyeball snap shot

i pretend that i have a tiny camera embedded in my right eye.  whenever i see something that i want to record to memory, i blink my right eyelid.  sometimes people catch me doing this and think i’m winking at them.

dna samples

I have to flush hair and nail clippings down the toilet in case someone could collect them and make a stash of my dna material…

Sep 4

it's a strike!

Whenever I bowl, I pretend that I am a British announcer talking about my impending strike. I must say this out loud; if I don’t, I will get a gutter ball every time.

complicated drinking

I can’t swallow a drink or water if I have extra air in my mouth. If I have a big mouthful of water with extra air, I have to tilt my head back, blow out the air as best as I can, and then swallow.

can't bite through stuffed animals

As a child I was terrified that vampires were going to get me so I would either sleep with stuffed animals around my neck…or in the bathtub so I could see all around me.

minimize, refresh, repeat

I have to constantly minimize any pages I have up while on the computer, refresh the screen, then go back to work like nothing happened.

Sep 3

sprinting up the stairs

I have to run up stairs.  I can’t walk up them.  For some reason, I am scared of what is behind me and have to get to the top as fast as possible.

you touch me, i touch you

if someone touches me i have to touch them back. even if i don’t know them. even if it is an accidental bump when they are passing me on the street. if i don’t touch them back i can’t stop worrying about it until i do touch them back.

first is the best in this case

Whenever I have to cross a road where there are traffic lights with the red and green man I have to be the first person that gets across, When there is a lot of people I feel excited about beating them all.

first is the worst, second is the best

When I’m shopping, I will never get the first product, I always get the third or forth behind the first one.  I feel like the first was touched and I don’t want it.

Sep 2

stray hairs, begone!

I’m extremely sensitive to stray hairs on my skin and clothing and spend about a quarter of my unoccupied time picking them off my shirts/brushing them off my neck/arms.

cooties

If someone I don’t like touches me, say on the shoulder, it have to rub it off with my hand and then rub my hand on someone or something else to get their particles off of me. Or I rub the “infected area” on someone I do like, to cover up the bad particles.

spider attack with a vengeance

If I kill a spider I have to flush it down the toilet because if I threw it in the trash either a) it’d come back to life and seek vengeance, or b) its family would find it then hunt me down.

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