i am neurotic.

Whenever I’m on an escalator, I have to jump across or take a big step over the last step before it goes under the metal part at the end. I do this because I’m afraid that my shoelaces might get caught in them and I’ll be “eaten” by the escalator.

I put on foreign accents when I have to ask for directions because I really don’t want to seem stupid. I also flash the pepper spray on my keychain because I’m afraid people will know I’m lost and come after me.

Whenever I click to print something from a word processor, I have to make sure that the blinking cursor is not visible on the screen at the exact moment I hit the print button. It works with other things, too though. Like hitting the “submit” button when I send this in.

I can’t say “ready?” as in “are you ready to go yet?”, without following it with “freddy”. no idea why, and the strange thing is, it’s only started in my adult life.

the dinner i ordered the other day came with tri-colored tortilla chips. without a conscience effort, i ate the regular colored chips first, then the red ones and finally the black ones. and with each new chip, i chewed slowly as though each chip had to convince me it was still the same flavor, only colored differently.

For some reason, there’s a certain kind of plastic that annoys the hell out of me. It’s the kind that goes on the top of plastic 3D cards, the ones that change images when you tilt them slightly. I always have to reach out and touch it with my skin when I see one, but if my fingernails come in contact with it, it drives me insane. I feel compelled to reach out and lay my finger down on it without rubbing the plastic. If I accidentally scratch the surface, I get a massive headache and scratch the inside of my palm nervously. If someone else scratches the surface and I hear it I get a migraine, in fact I have a migraine right now just thinking about it. I’m also currently rubbing the tips of my fingernails with my thumb anxiously.

If it is dark in a hallway or stairwell I must run because I fear a octopus will grab me from behind. Yes, I am afraid of the dark also and have had a black light for a night light for almost 12 years (it has never been turned off).

Every time I drink something I have to take as many sips as I am years old.  Or half my age +1 if I’m not as thirsty.

When I get dressed I always remove my pyjamas, then apply deoderant, then i can only put underclothes (bras, singlets) on my top half before putting all my clothes on my bottom half. My actual top always goes last because I think that if the deoderant is still wet it’ll soak through my top and look like I have sweaty armpits. Sometimes I’ll even straighten my hair before putting my top on, just to give the deoderant longer to dry.

Act Three. When Days are Numbered.

Jerry Davidson has been keeping a list of everything he’s done since 1955, when he was ten years old. What makes it on the lists is very odd, and what isn’t included is most of his feelings. His nephew Adam investigates, hoping to understand him better through these lists. He doesn’t get very far.

88: Numbers @ This American Life