i am neurotic.

I cannot allow myself to go to bed unless I have taken out my contacts, changed into PJs, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. The only way I’m allowed to avoid that is when I sleep on the couch or in a chair. If I do one of my steps, I have to do the other 3. Also, I cannot sleep on the couch two nights in a row or that would ruin the whole routine and I would have to sleep in my bed every night until I feel I have made up for that sin.

My pajamas absolutely have to match. I cannot wear just anything in the drawer to sleep in and because of that I sleep in mostly black shorts and t-shirts. Almost everything matches black.

I HATE umbrellas for some reason. I’d rather have Satan emerge from the depths of hell and breathe fire on me to keep me dry rather than use one.

I refuse to let any other person mow my lawn. I have a fear that a single blade of grass won’t get cut unless I do it and the other blades of grass will make fun of it for being to tall. And after I’m finished I apologize collectively to my whole lawn for hurting all of them.

I am not really all that particular about my eyebrows on a daily basis, but if I catch a glimpse of them in the mirror and they look unruly, I have to immediately tidy them up no matter where I am or what I am doing. This includes buying tweezers and plucking out all the stray hairs that make my eyebrows look un-kept. Not only have I left work to address my eyebrows, I have left movie theatres mid way through a film, I have gone home early from parties, and I have faked sick so I could have an excuse to address the bushes that are my eyebrows.

I have handwriting that I’m proud of but I’m really, really afraid someone I don’t know will say something about it…cause then I’d have to accept a compliment from a total stranger gracefully. Also, it could mean they were reading whatever I was writing. Whenever it happens (several times each semester) I freeze up. Then I spend the rest of the semester feeling like I owe someone I still don’t know a compliment. Life is hard and my karma sucks.

When watching America’s Next Top Model, every time Tyra introduces Nigel as the “noted photographer,” I always have to chime in with…”Noted (but not celebrated) photographer, Nigel Barker.”

I found a moth in my pantry the other day and it all went downhill from there. I cleared out the pantry, cleaned with soapy water and fumigated throughout. After letting it air out, I put everything back and cleaned, and I mean CLEAN, the house completely so I can fumigate the rest of the house. All I can think about that night was that moth flying into my ear during my sleep. I had a restless night of course! (maybe it was a side effect of the fumes!) P.S. I didn’t find any other bugs, in the pantry or any other place in the house, but still obsessed over it!

It takes a lot of will power for me to drink water out of a glass. Water’s disgusting enough to begin with, and the feeling of it on my lips against glass is terrible. I also have this fear of suddenly biting down on a glass and having it break in my mouth. I’m afraid of broken glass grating against my teeth, not being cut by it. That’s no big deal.

Sometimes my wife will tickle my left inner forearm from the wrist to my elbow joint. When she stops I need her to do the right side otherwise I don’t feel even. Sometimes she refuses just to watch me squirm so I\’ll have to do the right side myself.