April 2008
21 posts
people hanging in elevators
I have a fear that the elevator in my building will open and there will be a person hanging in it.
cross eyes and lazy eyes
I’m afraid of developing both of these things. To that end i can’t look at things moving at exceptional speeds I also have to ritually move my eyeballs around in the mirror to be sure they make full circles. I’ve been told you can’t just develop these eye ailments, but I’m not buying it.
hair dryer
I have to turn the hair dryer on and off three times throughout the drying process.
colonial times
I am completely petrified of colonial times. This includes both the civil and revolutionary wars as well as any and all references to butter churning and red coats and their impending arrival. There is no basis for this fear but the anxiety is unmanageable. My parents took us to colonial williamsburg when i was about 7 and i could barely leave the hotel room. Any school trip whose title included...
lifting the toilet lid
I HATE going into toilet cubicles where the toilet lid is closed. I live in terror of one day lifting the lid of a toliet and finding a severed head inside. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea!! Every time I have to lift a toilet lid, I do it with my eyes shut really tight. And I get that horrible anticipating feeling that I’m about to see something really nasty. I guess I’m...
medical tests
I am convinced that whatever medical test I have done will reveal my entire sexual history and also result in my having every STD known to man, including some hybrids that my body just made up. Like gonosyphIV.
wait for the handwashing
I can’t leave a bathroom stall at the same time as another person. I’d rather wait until they’ve washed their hands, or (god forbid) brushed their teeth than walk out at the exact same time as someone else, and have to suffer that terrible moment of eye contact before washing your hands (if they do, but that’s another neurosis altogether.)
cotton balls
I cannot touch cotton balls. I usually encounter them when trying to remove nail polish or opening a bottle of medication stuffed with cotton at the top. The feel of raw cotton makes me grind my teeth, cringe, shudder, and makes my those around me judge my lunacy. It’s almost a handicap really.
peeing with people
I cannot, for the life of me, pee when someone else is in the bathroom. I will have to pee so bad and when I get to the bathroom and realize someone is in the stall next to me, my bladder seizes up and then I get paranoid that someone thinks I’m waiting for them to leave so I can take a poop.
consecutive trees
When I ride in a car and there are lots of consecutive trees or perhaps a forest, I can’t look at the trees for too long for fear that my eyes are going to get poked out.
compliments
Every time I’m complimented on something, I immediately begin to fail at said something. It could be, “Your handwriting is exceptionally neat today.” Within seconds, my handwriting becomes completely illegible. It usually results in me falling flat on my face, both literally and figuratively.
ring action
When I’m uncomfortable I wiggle my ring. The weird part is that I do it in the same exact way my dad plays with his wedding ring when he’s nervous. Inherited or learned neurosis?
more red meat
I get uncomfortable eating red meat in front of boys i’m not related to. I get worried that they’ll think I’m manly.
doggy drool
Every since I was kid I would immediately wash my hands after petting a dog.I still do it today. You have no idea how much it pisses off/offends dog owners who let dogs lick their faces and poop on the carpets.
wrist action
When I was growing up I had a severe phobia and squeamishness surrounding the under side of my wrist. I would picture slashed wrists and it would cause me anxiety and discomfort. It was so severe that I use to have to wrap athletic tape around my wrists while practicing piano because of the way my wrists were exposed. I would also have the same anxieties when I was practicing the flute in my...
thumb ring
There’s something about the way my thumb ring reacts with my skin it makes the skin under it feel really soft and smell good so when I get nervous or anxious or stressed or whatever, I push the ring up just a bit and rub my nose.
red meat
I used to not be able to eat red meat in front of women.
catastrophic events vs. zombies
I’m neurotic about when people talk about catastrophic events like the world ending because the temperature goes up 6 degrees, but zombies, I love. I used to go to a 7th day adventist church with my aunt. They were really social but also liked to talk about the apocolypse. So I’d be at a pool party and they’d be like “The world is going to end in September.” And then...
Graveyards
I know someone who still does that thing where you hold your breath when you pass a graveyard and don’t exhale until the next white house. I mean, she’s 27. And still does it.
Bugs
Whenever I watch a movie with a gross bug scene, I feel bugs crawling on me when I try to go to bed that night. Even if I saw the movie in the afternoon.
Mummies
I think I was an Egyptian concubine in a past life and was buried alive with the pharaoh b/c I lose my shit around egyptian art. Like, I’ve fainted in the Met.
