i am neurotic.

I am afraid to sleep on sheets in 4 star hotels.  I have to stay in 5 star hotels or bring my own sheets.  I’m just certain anything less than 5 star is filthy.

Whenever I am swinging on a swing or hammock, I have to breathe in when I go forward and out when I do backward. Depending on the size of the swing and the time it takes to swing, this can make it rather difficult to carry on a conversation at the same time.

I am strangely attached to my TV Remote. If it gets misplaced, i get angry and frustrated. I can’t sleep unless i know right where it is. Once, i even stayed up until one in the morning trying to find it!

I categorize colors, numbers, and letters into genders.

Everytime I get in the water whether it’s an ocean or a pool I panic that there are sharks. Sometimes I panic in my shower.

every time i pee, i have to pinch myself to make sure i’m not dreaming, as i’m afraid i’m actually about to wet the bed.

I can’t hear the beep at the end of microwaving. I also can’t look at the clock the whole time it’s counting down- so I have to guess and open the door at :01 before the buzzer goes off.    If it does go off, something horrible will happen.

I won’t order food for delivery before 5pm. I feel it’s only acceptable to be lazy and order food if it appears like I just came home from a long day at work. When the truth is I’ve sat around all day and want to continue to sit around.

I believe that everybody lies to me. Everyone. Every person I know that tells me anything, I think about it and try to find holes in their story or things that don’t match up. I feel like they all have some hidden agenda and some crazy reason to hide things from me.

everytime i use a public restroom (and that includes friend’s house, office and college) i throw away about 0.5 meters or so of the toilet paper, the “exposed” part of it. the idea of using possibly infected toilet papers makes me worry to death.

When I open a bag of spinach, I have to use it all at once or I can’t use it again.  I’m afraid something (it used to be bugs.  Now it’s frogs) will get in the bag and wind up in whatever I’m cooking.

I feel that whenever I do something oddly on a calculator it judges me: “Why are you adding one and one, fool?”

I like to read the newspaper whenever I’m out for lunch. After I’m done with lunch, I leave my newspaper nearby for someone else to read. I can’t look and see someone taking my free newspaper or else I get extremely possessive. I can’t even turn around once it’s left behind.

Whenever I get a cut and I bleed (no matter how small), I always have to put pressure on it with my finger and count to 60, otherwise I could bleed to death.

Sometimes I HAVE to have something between my little toe and the toe next to it. In my office I will kick off my shoes and put my middle toe of my opposite foot between them.

I can only eat chips (french fries) when they are lined up in parallel.     However, on the opposite side of this I can’t eat them if they form a symmetrical shape (e.g. an even number of them, or they are arranged to form a shape).

Whenever I worry about something I make my roommate grab my face and tell me that it’s going to be fine.  I don’t feel better until she does this.

If I drop something I will continue to do without it for as long as possible, for stopping to pick it up right after it falls proves I can’t overcome even the smallest setbacks.

If I am “caught” in a public bathroom checking the mirror, I will pretend to go to the bathroom until the other person leaves. I always wonder if they notice how quietly I “pee.”

I cannot watch anyone shave, especially on TV.  Not even cartoon characters, like Homer Simpson.  I always think about what it would feel like to get cut by a  razor blade, and gush blood everywhere.

I tend to feel that people in magazine pictures can see me or know what I’m doing.  While knowing it’s foolish, I still have to cover them up if I’m doing anything private, gross, embarrassing and/or am going to sleep.

When I put a blanket on me, if it has a darker side, that side must face away from me. That way, the dark side protects me from the cold.

I can’t eat when my roommate is around. If I’m eating and she comes home, I hide my food behind whatever is convenient - laptop, bookshelf - or just throw it away. Maybe I have some subconscious fear that she will steal my half-eaten sandwiches.

I can’t go to sleep if there is a mirror exposed somewhere in my room. If the mirror on my desk is facing my bed, I’m scared that something will appear in the mirror, or come out of it to come get me. I have to put it face down before I go to bed.

I don’t like using a shopping cart that was just used by a stranger. The germs haven’t had time to evaporate if they just used it.

I update my AIM profile every day because I fear that if I die today whatever I have in there will be the last representation of me and needs to reflect me as a person in a form of an inspirational quote, photo, etc.

I can’t completely fill up my car with gas because I am afraid that if I do it will break down on me. As in the past whenever my car had broken down it was always when I had a full tank.

I can’t go to sleep unless I pee first. Even if I don’t have to pee, I still have to sit on the toilet and pretend just so when I go to sleep I will actually sleep and not think about peeing.

When I play solitaire one the computer, two red aces cannot be touching. It has to be red, black, black, red. And when my friends are playing I make them have it in the same order or I have to leave the room.

I’m convinced that germs live forever on metal and die quickly on plastic, so I can’t hang on to a metal surface on the bus or else I’ll get sick. I think glass is the cleanest material, though, so I also can’t drink out of my roommates’ plastic cups.

Current Configuration has perfectly articulated and illustrated one of our more popular neuroses in his post Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right and Under is Wrong which was recently turned into a brochure.

The proper way to hang the toilet paper:

I am prepared to fight a werewolf  every time i open a door. I even ready my fists.

Whenever I drink from a paper cup I have to make absolutely sure that the seam faces away from me at 180 degrees or the drink might run the seam and spill on me.

I think everyone can hear what i’m saying in my head.. so in my head I feel the need to tell them “I know you’re listening asshole.”

I’m uncomfortable in large crowds because I feel the need to give each and every person I don’t know a background history and personality that’s different and unique, based on their clothing and body language.  Every. Single. Person.

Since people always joke that you know, “the kid got dropped on his head as a baby,” I cannot hold babies as a fear that I will drop them and it’ll come true for that child and ruin their future with a dented dumb head.

after pumping gas into my car, i have to push NO when it asks if i want a receipt, or i will crash the car. i am careful to stand there like a chump until i am able to push NO.

When I was in school, and now with my work, I need to number all of the pages of any notes I take. The pages on the right must be odd numbered and the pages on the left even. If I see them numbered otherwise, even if the notes are not mine, I become nauseous.

Whenever I find an error on a website, I write it down and white it out and correct it. If I don’t, I fear that I’ll make the mistake typing that word and that by writing it down and fixing it all is good in the world.

Many weeks can pass without me picking up the telephone because I’m terrified of hearing a person on the other end of the line who I have disappointed in some way. The possibility of hearing disappointment in anyone’s voice has seriously at times meant that I haven’t picked up the phone or listened to voicemails for months at a time.

Whenever I drink out of a mug I always have to drink out of the same spot otherwise I fear that I will accidentally drink out of a spot that has not been sterilized by heat and I will contract a fatal disease.

In the catholic school, we were taught about our personal guardian angel. So each night before falling asleep in my twin bed, I had to scoot to the edge to make room for my guardian angel to also sleep. Not quite sure how many times, I ended up on the floor so my angel was comfy!!

This one’s a bit weird. All the major breakups in my life happened on days that I cut my thumbnails. So if I am in a relationship, I make sure to keep my thumbnails at least a half a centimeter long, so as to keep my relationship going.

i have to have 911 pre-dialed into my cell phone every time i leave the house so all i would have to do is press the call button if i get attacked or in an accident. i fear that the one time i dont do this, something awful will happen.

When I was little, my older cousin told me that if you wear socks to bed, fungus grows and you’ll get sick, I still can’t wear socks to bed, no matter how cold it is.

I count all the syllables in the lyrics of every song I listen to, and if they don’t come to an even number I sing an extra syllable to make the song ‘balance’.

Whenever I’m playing videogames (more back in the day then now) and I come to an important part (such as a boss fight) I feel the need to rearange everything around me. If my clothes are uncomfortable to me at that moment, I will change them. I have to tidy up the space around me and find the perfect spot to sit. If I don’t do this I feel that my chances of messing up in the game are much greater.

i can’t flush the toilet if i’m alone. i’m always scared someone’s hiding in my house, just waiting for a loud noise so that they can sneak up behind me…

when i need to drive, i need to clip my nails first. if i don’t, i can’t stop thinking about what if i was in an accident, or even just had to brake suddenly, and they were somehow bent back or ripped out?

every morning i wake up and rub my face to see if there is some kind of deformation on it. i do this so that if something is on my face, i can recognize it before i look in the mirror, and be ready.