Every time I buy something from a vending machine, I say “thank you.” I try not to do it too loud, just in case people will think I’m insane. It’s just an automatic reaction; the machine serves me, it deserves a thank you.
i'll wait for you, green light.
If I drive up to this light late at night, when I know I can easily make the right on the red, I feel bad for the light making the effort to turn green, so I wait for the light to turn green before I go.
i need the attention of the words and pictures of...
If there is writing or a picture on my cup, I have to have it centered facing me or I can’t drink out of it. Also, if the cup has a lid on it, the writing has to be turned so it can be centered on the cup.
filling out forms
Annoyingly, I have to fill out every single subscription form in magazines. I don’t send them or anything, just fill them out.
mom, dad, mom
when i go to bed at night, i have to say goodnight to my mom twice, and my dad once. i go “goodnight mom, goodnight dad, goodnight mom” even if mom is downstairs and can’t hear me or some times i have to scream it.
i'm putting on a show.
I always act as if I’m being watched, even when I know I’m not or no one is around. I pretend it’s a comedy and I purposefully trip over stuff and say things I know I shouldn’t. But it usually doesn’t matter, because no one is around
fake hand washing
I don’t wash my hands every time after going to the bathroom because I don’t want to aggravate my dry skin too much. But I want everyone to think I’ve washed my hands so after I flush I turn on the faucet and let the water run for people to hear. I want it to be believable though, so I mime washing my hands to make sure I let the water run for exactly how long it would take me to...
triangles taste better
I can’t eat a sandwich if it is cut any way besides diagonally. When I go to Arby’s (or any other place that typically cuts sandwiches vertically) I specifically ask that they cut the sandwich diagonally. (I also apologize profusely when this happens.)
you'll never lose each other...ever
I safety-pin my socks together after I wash them and before I put them away in my drawer. I’m afraid one might get lost or separated from its pair and get lonely. I do however refuse to wear a a pair of socks if their safety pin wounds me in any way before putting them on.
i'm glad you like it because you're never gonna...
If someone comments on the t-shirt I’m wearing, I can never wear it on a day I think I might see them again.
Whenever I save a document in Word (usually after every single modification, even if it’s the tiniest one), I have to press CTRL-S at least four or five times in quick sequence otherwise I’m left with a strong feeling of insecurity.
be kind to the little guys
when i was a child, i would always swallow baby grapes whole, because i didn’t want to hurt them. the regular sized grapes were fine…they were grown up and ready for their fate. but i wanted to be as kind as possible to the little ones.
this is diet, not regular
Whenever I open a Diet Coke, I have to rotate the pop top to the right.
Anytime I use grammar incorrectly I have to correct myself three times aloud or it will bug me for the rest of the day.
which states are the most neurotic?
The United States of Mind: Researchers Identify Regional Personality Traits Across America (WSJ) “Based on more than 600,000 questionnaires and published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science, the study maps regional clusters of personality traits, then overlays state-by-state data on crime, health and economic development in search of correlations.”
out of sequence
Whenever I count on my hands I always have to use the sequence thumb, index finger, middle finger, pinky, ring finger.
are those carrots or my fingers?
Every time I think about cutting something I cut my fingers off in my mind. I can’t seem to think about cutting anything no matter how hard I try without cutting my fingers. I’ve never cut my fingers.
did the letter go down? did it?
When I mail letters, I must open the mailbox door at least three times to be sure my letter(s) went down the slide because I am paranoid that my mail will get stuck on the slide, so when the next person opens the mailbox door, my letters will go flying out into the abyss.
the lonely citrus
I have to remove ALL citrus flavored candies out of the mix. They shouldn’t be allowed to co-mingle.
your toothbrush has seen you naked
I have to cover my toothbrush with a paper towel for fear that the bristles may see me naked.
making up for others
I am strongly against wasting water, so when my brother has two showers in one day I don’t shower. It makes me feel (but not necessarily smell) better.
saved by the wall
If I see stairs and am not mentally anticipating it, I am seized with the fear that I will go flying down them and must throw myself against the nearest wall to save myself.
cut up by a ceiling fan
i can’t put ceiling fans on the fastest setting because they start to shake and i am afraid they will fall off the ceiling and slice me up. even in the hottest weather, i can’t have them faster than the medium speed.
i am batman. click!
I have two lap buckles in my car. One buckles across my lap, the other across my chest. I have to buckle them at the same time so they click at the same time. I do this to feel like Batman.
Whenever I pay for something with a larger bill (a 50 or a 100) I always memorize a couple numbers from the serial number just in case the cashier gives me the wrong change and claims I gave them a smaller bill.
end end end end end end end end end end
Every time i end a phone call i press the end button over and over again. at least ten times, before i put it back in my purse.
tiny piranhas attack
If I’m taking a bath instead of a shower, I have to pull the plug after I’m out of the bath. Otherwise, I worry that tiny piranhas will swim up the pipes, through the drain, and into my bath while it’s draining and attack me.
When I eat smarties, I have to know what colour the smarties is before I eat it. If I forget to check before it goes into my mouth, I have to take it out to check.
song of the day
My alarm clock program wakes me up with a randomly-selected song from my music library. I’m convinced that the song it picks predicts the rest of my day: an upbeat song means a good day, a downbeat song means a bad day, and a neutral song means a dull day.
tiny teddies should be eaten with respect
When I eat Tiny Teddies, I must sort them according to their facial expressions. I then must eat them evenly, taking from each pile alternately, ensuring that the last one I eat is a happy one.
i don't talk to strangers
I find it really difficult to pick up the phone to call someone who I can’t visualize. For anything. Pizza, taxi, whatever - I pass it off to someone else. Sometimes even if I get a wrong number or the someone other than who i’m calling picks up the phone…
I am driven crazy by crumbs that end up in a butter tub or jar of jelly. I have perfected my spread smearing abilities to ensure I never transplant crumbs into either of the containers. When I was in college and lived with many roommates - I would write “NO CRUMBS” on the lid of the butter container.
pneumatic tube abyss
When i go to the bank, i cannot put cash in the drive-thru teller tube. i fear it will lose suction and my money will be lost and there be no record of it. i am ok with checks however.
hold me back
I don’t like riding ferries or being on anything high without being completely enclosed because I always feel compelled to just lean forward and let my body go.
When I’m riding the bus, if I fall asleep and wake up before my stop, I have to make sure I’m seen looking around and being alert so that people don’t think I fell asleep and missed my stop.
who is faster: me or the google suggestion search...
I always try to beat the Google Suggestion search bar. I type as fast as I can so the suggestions don’t even show. It’s like when someone tries to teach me something I already know, and I have to interrupt them.
when flying on an airplane, i will only recline my seat if the person in front of me reclines theirs. otherwise, i feel guilty about impeding on the flyer behind me…
Apples are my favorite snack. However, when I eat them I MUST eat around the center in one direction first. Then I will eat around the top (followed by the bottom) in the opposite direction. I occasionally allow friends to have a bite of my apple, but if they mess up the pattern then I just can’t enjoy it anymore and will usually just tell them to keep it. I once even gave a presentation in...
kasper is pissed
I’m usually pretty convinced that there are no such thing as ghosts, but if I ever say that out loud, I have to follow it with something about still respecting them if they do exist…because I’m afraid they’ll hear me, get angry, and start to haunt me.
this particular stall
i have to use the same stall every time in a public restroom. the stall i use the first time i enter that restroom is the one i will use every time. if the stall is taken. i wait. (this applies to the sink as well.)
some posts will speak to you
When I read the post, “You ruined it for me” I immediately assumed that the unattractive person with the same article of clothing as the author, was me. I changed my clothes a third time, for fear it might happen again.
movies are best viewed from the right side
I love movies, I love going to movies, and I love talking about movies. When I go to a movie theater, though, I absolutely have to sit on the right side of the theater (stage left). If I don’t, I will be thinking about, damnit, I am not sitting on the right side of the theater the entire time. When with friends, I am very vocal about this need, and with enemies — I’m still very...
a pop tart with two frosted sides...brilliant
Whenever I eat Pop-Tarts, I eat off the edges first. Then, I slide the frosty top side off and eat the non-frosted side. I then break the frosted top side of the Pop-Tart in half and stick it together so it’s a smaller Pop-Tart with two frosted sides, and I eat it that way.
strength to uncork
I’ve always feared my lack of strength at my job (at a winery). So every time I open a bottle, I stand on my tiptoes until the cork is out. I also hold my breath, as if these things will help me uncork the damned bottle.
just letting you know, universe.
When I drive and decide to do something contrary to what I have started to do, I will mutter “actually” or “on second thought” so that the universe knows I meant to change my mind. I do this even when alone.
carjackers murder because of off-key singing
When I’m driving, before I can start singing along to the songs on the radio, I have to check the backseat for carjackers, because heaven forbid they hear my off-key singing and decide to kill me on principle.
pee is wet
I hate walking barefoot in someone’s (private) bathroom and stepping on water. Even in my own bathroom, I still feel like I’m stepping on pee.
vertical tanning is safer than horizontal tanning
I cannot go tanning in a bed. I must use the stand up machine. I feel like the bed bulbs will burst shattering the bed and I will be covered in blood and shrapnel when some one finds me.
I always pretend I have super powers. When I am in the elevator, I wave my hands as if I am making the door open and close and the elevator go up and down… same goes for automatic doors and car windows.
death by traffic light
I will not drive on windy days because I am petrified that the traffic lights will fall on my car and kill me. If I have to drive I make sure to take side streets, even if its takes twice as long.