anytime i know my boyfriend is coming over i turn the pictures in my room face down because i feel like the people in them can see us while we are having sex.
generosity = broke
Whenever I see a homeless person, I’m uncontrollably compelled to give them at least $10. It gets so bad that I’m reluctant to visit the city out of fear I’ll go broke. One time I had five or six of them following me to the ATM because I ran out of pocket money. I felt like the Gorton’s Fisherman being followed around by cats.
peeing in the shower
Every day when I have to shower, I have to pee before I start washing myself. I don’t know why. Sometimes I have to stand under the running water for a few minutes ‘til I have to go.
I’m unable to lock my car doors while I drive. If I get into an accident and my doors are unlocked, it’ll be easier to get to me.
I cannot write, say, or think a sentence with two rhyming words in it. Sometimes I accidentally do, though, and thus get very frustrated.
don't watch me eat, please.
I always have to eat around the edges of chocolate candy or rectangular shaped food. It usually is messy and if someone is watching me and i can’t eat it that way. i get really uncomfortable and think about it for hours after.
flip of a coin
I use a quarter flip to do most of my decision making from “should I go out tonight” to “should I quit my job.” I always trust in the quarter, for I believe if you do, it will give to accurate answers. I think if I don’t obey the quarter, something bad could happen.
I work in a bar, and when wrapping cutlery in serviettes, I have to make sure that the patterns match. When collecting used plates, I am very unsettled if I discover that somebody has had to eat with mismatching cutlery.
confront your neuroses
I am too scared to actually state my neuroses because if I haven’t said them out loud then maybe they aren’t real.
you ruined it for me.
if I see someone unattractive wearing an article of clothing I own, I can never wear it again.
death by shopping cart drowning
I refuse to swim in natural bodies of water because I just KNOW there is a submerged shopping cart down there just waiting for me to tangle myself up in it and drown.
I will repeat the things people say to me in my head, placing the words in a different order and then repeating it so often that i can no longer remember the original order that was said.
following the rules only to break them later
I can’t use a crosswalk with the “Don’t Walk” sign on. Even if there is no traffic and my friends cross the street. I will, however, jaywalk in the middle of the street with no problem.
order leads to chaos
i have to set my workspace up the same way everyday so i can work frantically, let the order deteriorate and set it up the right way again.
giving the other foot a break
As I walk I pay attention to how my feet feel. If one feels more worn-down than the other, I will purposely walk harder on the other until they feel the same.
i don't need you.
When I feel like I have become too dependent on another person, I write down their phone number in a special place and then delete them from my phonebook so that it takes a lot of effort for me to initiate contact.
perfectly round cucumber slices
If i’m slicing cucumber for a salad, each slice has to be a full circle. If my aim with the knife goes a bit wrong and I produce an incomplete circle I must eat that piece rather than put it on the plate.
by the power of me
When my favourite football team is a goal behind i am convinced i have power in my fingers to influence them positively, if i tense them all at once and fire the released energy into the direction of the radio it helps towards the effort to score.
you're being judged
I will not eat on restaurants’ patios because I believe that passers-by are judging my table manners. Negatively.
everyone should have a friend
I can’t leave objects laying by themselves in places around the house. If I have a hairbrush on the counter, I have to put a comb or something by it before I leave the room so that it won’t get lonely or mad that it was left alone in my absence.