i am neurotic.

I put on foreign accents when I have to ask for directions because I really don’t want to seem stupid. I also flash the pepper spray on my keychain because I’m afraid people will know I’m lost and come after me.

I can’t say the word ‘Spatula’ without putting on a transylvanian accent and using the same tone that I would say ‘Dracula’.

Whenever I bowl, I pretend that I am a British announcer talking about my impending strike. I must say this out loud; if I don’t, I will get a gutter ball every time.

Every time I hear the opening music for Public Radio’s ” The World” I find myself saying ” De Vorld” in a stupid German accent.

When I have to ask for directions and the location is fairly obvious, I’m always embarrassed. To avoid the humiliation, I ask in a British accent so my incompetence is socially accepted.