i am neurotic.

Whenever I have to kill a spider, bug or fly that’s gotten into the house, I always tell them I’m very sorry for killing them but they can’t live with me.

Whenever I walk by a secluded ditch or creek, I have to check to make sure there are no dead bodies to be discovered there. Just to confirm that I’m not part of a headline that reads “runner discovers body of missing person.”

I refuse to read the book Marley and Me because I know that the author is eventually going to write about the dog’s death and I’ll cry. Even though I work in a veterinary office and deal with the death of pets on a regular basis, I refuse to read the book because I want to save myself the heartbreak.

i can’t put ceiling fans on the fastest setting because they start to shake and i am afraid they will fall off the ceiling and slice me up. even in the hottest weather, i can’t have them faster than the medium speed.

I don’t like riding ferries or being on anything high without being completely enclosed because I always feel compelled to just lean forward and let my body go.

When I’m driving, before I can start singing along to the songs on the radio, I have to check the backseat for carjackers, because heaven forbid they hear my off-key singing and decide to kill me on principle.

I will not drive on windy days because I am petrified that the traffic lights will fall on my car and kill me. If I have to drive I make sure to take side streets, even if its takes twice as long.

Whenever I smell gasoline, I try to hold my breath, because I’m afraid that if I breathe in the fumes and the fumes somehow ignite, my lungs with be burned inside of me and I’ll die a horrible fiery death.

when I was little I used to have to sleep with the open part of my pillow facing the direction my parents were in the house. Otherwise, I thought they would die. Even if I was at a friend’s house, I would face the pillow in the direction towards my house.

Whenever I hear myself mutter “I hate my life” when I’m having a bad day, I always have to immediately say “I love my life. I love my life.” so that God doesn’t think I’m ungrateful and create an accident for me to die in.