i am neurotic.

I always pretend I have super powers. When I am in the elevator, I wave my hands as if I am making the door open and close and the elevator go up and down… same goes for automatic doors and car windows.

When my favourite football team is a goal behind i am convinced i have power in my fingers to influence them positively, if i tense them all at once and fire the released energy into the direction of the radio it helps towards the effort to score.

Whenever I find an error on a website, I write it down and white it out and correct it. If I don’t, I fear that I’ll make the mistake typing that word and that by writing it down and fixing it all is good in the world.

When I was a child I would swallow hard when I was looking at things I liked or wanted to be like. The harder the swallow the more likely it was for that wish or aspiration to come true. Conversely, I couldn’t swallow at all when I was looking at something I didn’t like for fear of ‘catching’ the bad thing. For example, watching a documentary on an illness would require me to not swallow at all while watching it (or having to leave the room to swallow); and looking at a photo of an expensive, vast mansion would have me swallowing like mad. I don’t know what started it, but thankfully I don’t do it any more… only very occasionally I’ll catch myself doing it again.

I can’t let thoughts that I hate ‘taint’ thoughts that I like. For instance, I can’t think about someone I’m related to within the same space as a thought about someone I really fancy. And if I imagine someone I’m close to being in danger, I have to ‘prevent’ it by imagining a pink misty light around them.

When I need to make a decision, or want to find something out, like “Is my friend on her way to meet me?”, I pose it as a question to myself. I try and feel whether the answer will be yes or no. I can’t figure out if I think I’m talking to God or if I’m psychic, because the answer is usually right.

I am convinced that if I focus hard enough, I can actually cause an earthquake.  This is because I thought about earthquakes a lot in the fall and then we had one.  It was a 5.6.  I also think that if I think really hard about other bad stuff (like terrorist attacks and genocide) that they will come true.  This is not the case with positive thoughts.  That would just be wishful thinking.