i am neurotic.

Even though I KNOW stuffed toys are just pieces of fabric, I can’t bear it if I see one all squashed or if I see anyone messing around with one, i.e. squashing it, throwing it around, letting pets maul it, etc., because I can’t stop thinking the toy is in pain!

Whenever it starts to rain, or thunder, or lightning outside, I must “rescue” all inanimate objects in the yard. Whether it’s my kids toys, or if something is not in its place, I feel the utmost urgency to protect it by putting it away.

This started when I was about 4 years old. I am now 32.

When I’m in the shower, I have to throw my shampoo bottle in the air and catch it twice before I put it down. The 1st throw needs to be a quick, low throw. But the second needs to be really high and risky. If I don’t do this, I feel like the shampoo bottles won’t be able to breathe and will suffocate and die, and i just cannot have that kind of guilt on my shoulders. The same practice applies for conditioner, body wash, and shaving cream.

I enjoy looking at open houses, but I cannot go inside a house that has distinct human features. Two windows and a French door in the front of the home is unbearable. I can’t even look at it if I drive by the home.

Ever since I saw the movie Tron I am sympathetic with data and feel that after it is created, it is alive. When I’m editing copy and I find that a word or a letter has been entered twice by mistake, the word or letter that was entered last has to be the one that is deleted, because termination of the original is unjust. After all, the original word or letter was “alive” first.

When my beard gets too long, I feel I have “evil hairs” that cause it to itch. I will try to pull those hairs out, and I always seem to miss. If I do pull a hair out, and the itching stops, I feel MUCH better, but am always forced to bite that “evil” beard hair, to punish it for causing me discomfort.

When I was little, before I’d use the toilet, I’d sit down and take into account every item in the bathroom. I would address each one in turn by saying, “Welcome shampoo… Welcome magazine on the floor…” etc., and finish by saying, “Let’s begin.” I think we were having a board meeting or something, and I wasn’t permitted to poop until everyone was ‘officially’ there.

I have a strange belief that inanimate objects have feelings. When I was younger, if I ate a piece of candy and threw the wrapper away (tootsie rolls for example), I would have to eat another so that I could throw two wrappers away and they wouldn’t be lonely.

I have to apologize to my electronics when I yell at them to work. Just in case they are angry and try to get me back for mistreatment.

I have a thing with the eggs in my refrigerator. my roommates take them out of the carton willy-nilly, without any thought as to evenness. So every time someone eats an egg, i have to go and arrange them so that each one has a partner. I don’t want them to get lonely. if there is one lonely egg, i either eat it or throw it out to put it out of it’s lonely misery.