i am neurotic.

I roll the fringe on the edge of blankets or towels or tassels on asian tchotkes in between my knuckles. I do this because my security blanket when I was little had a fringe. only certain types of fringe work, if it is too soft it won’t work, it has to make a sort of sharp sensation, soft won’t work. I do this so much I develop big, ugly calluses on my knuckles. I call it ‘frizzling,” thought of that when I was little. I enjoy it but hate the calluses, so I’m conflicted about it. I love to relax and frizzle, but feel guilty ’cause then my hands are ugly. sometimes people think the calluses are warts.

When I go clothes shopping, I am paranoid there’s a camera in the dressing room so I never go in there. Also, I can’t stand the thought of wearing something someone else may have tried on before without it being washed. So if I buy something that I think might fit and look good, I’ll take it home, wash it and THEN try it on. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll give to a friend of the same size or donate it to Goodwill. I am pretty sure they both have me on speed dial by now.

i pick little pieces off of a blanket or any type of fabric that forms little pills and i roll them up in a firm ball and i press them under my fingers nails because it kinda hurts/feels good. i do this with other types of things that can do the same thing, sometimes until i bruise my nail beds.

Sometimes my wife will tickle my left inner forearm from the wrist to my elbow joint. When she stops I need her to do the right side otherwise I don’t feel even. Sometimes she refuses just to watch me squirm so I\’ll have to do the right side myself.

If it starts raining outside, no matter how cold it is I have to roll my pants legs up — or walk around in shoes for several hours upon making it indoors. I can’t stand the feeling of wet fabric on the backs of my legs and ankles.

I cannot touch food that is cold if it is supposed to be hot. If I am reheating something, I have to ask someone else to put their finger in it to see if its hot because I’m scared that if i touch it, it will still be cold. I also can’t eat things like macaroni salad, because noodles are meant to be hot, not cold.

every time i go to put on chapstick i NEED to touch it to my tongue twice before i put it on.

Whenever I reach into the oven to remove cooked food, I MUST touch my chin with the oven mitt after opening the door, but before removing the food.

Unless I actually have a fairly close friendship with someone, I hate people touching me or even being physically close to me. When someone shakes my had I have to wipe my hand on my pants. I hate touching people and being touched.

Whenever I’m walking on the street or anywhere with cracks in the concrete. I have to step on every crack, if I miss one I have to go back and step on it. If I go home knowing I missed one. I feel wicked guilty. I feel like I will be cursed.